The Warrior Family

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Thanks for following us! -The Warrior Family

Break the Silence! : A simple way close the communication gap!

Before I begin, I'd like to thank all of you who have been viewing our posts! It inspires us each day when we see our page views grow, and grow. In fact, we are already at 2,000 views!

Keep sharing our content, and pass it on to your friends. You never know who could use the advice. Pretty much everything that we share with you are things that have worked for us personally, or that have been passed down to us by a friend.

Also, Make sure you sign up for our mailing list by entering your email address using the web view (this may not be available in the mobile view). Once again friends, Thank You! - The Warrior Family

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The cold shoulder

One of the hardest things to maintain, and usually one of the first things that falls apart in a relationship is communication. Whenever we get upset with someone, we are often quick to give the cold shoulder, and bed down next to each other without saying our routine “goodnight”, or the “I love you” – but why? Not speaking to the person we care about most is the exact opposite of what we should do when times are rough. However, if you’re like me, this can sometimes feel like one of the hardest things you could possibly do.

The TDY Backburner

In the military community, having to go on temporary duty status (TDY) usually causes several mixed emotions in the household. Much of this is because of how easy it is to lose focus when you are removed from what’s most important to you, and are required to perform exceptionally well for a school, job, or any other task that you can think of. Going on TDY usually involves you having to go out of town, staying for a period of a few days to a few weeks, and typically requires more than one person – so naturally, once the job is done, people are going to want to hang out, and talk about their experiences.

My most recent experience with going on TDY was attending the United States Army Drill Sergeant School, and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t on my best behavior. After class was over, I’d study, do some exercise, and then go out to have dinner with my friends. Initially this was ok, until the dinner bill started stacking up; the phone calls home were less frequent; and what should have been my main priory (my wife and kids) had been placed on the TDY back burner. This, my friends, was no Bueno!

The end result was a very cold atmosphere to say the least. Conversations were awkward, car rides were often too quiet, and I had a hard time enjoying my family, mainly because I felt like such a dirt-bag for treating them this way. This was especially true when I could see just how much my boys had missed me, THEY WERE ALL OVER ME! My wife, however, was not the happiest.

Why she is better than me

The awkwardness continued for a few more days, and we eventually hit somewhat of a breaking point. That is when my wife did something that probably saved our relationship, and showed me exactly how dedicated she was to me as a wife.

In the past, we have been blessed with the opportunity to attend many marriage seminars at the expense of the military. My wife and I would volunteer to go to these as often as we could – we both seemed to understand the importance of educating yourself of how to keep a marriage strong. One of the tools that we picked up at these seminars was shared to us by another couple. Whenever these two would have problems communicating, they would buy a card at the store, and write a message to their spouse stating why they loved them that day. When they were done, they would hide the card somewhere creative so that at some point throughout the day, the other person would find it, and be reminded of how the other felt about them. This would do several things:

It opened lines of communication between the couple
It would brighten up the persons day
It shows that the person leaving the message is actually WILLING to put forth some effort toward strengthening the relationship

Often times, that little bit of extra effort is all that your relationship needs!

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are."- unknown

We actually kept this card to use as a reminder of how bad things can get, and that with dedication, even the TOUGHEST of times can be worked through! (We'll post an update with a photo for you in the future)

Try it!

So, if you’re in a similar situation, and want to open lines of communication again, give this a try! The initial message can state how the card is supposed to work, followed by your first entry – why you love your spouse that day. BE CREATIVE! Hide the card in their gym bag, their favorite book, underwear drawer, or sneak out and tape it to their steering wheel. Remember, in the end, it’s the effort the two of you put into fixing the communication issue that will make your relationship stronger than it was before. I know in my case, when we see things getting unnecessarily awkward, we are much quicker to talk things out than we were before. Plus, sometimes, it’s just something nice to do for the one that matters most to you.

Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better.

This is what we're all about.

Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family

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Bystanders vs. Up-standers

Knuckle Up!

You will most likely never forget the first time your kid punches someone in the face. The huge rush of emotion that they experience usually leads to a long spell of crying, and anger – this is normal. About two weeks ago, my youngest son, Mateo, got into his first fist fight. When he plays outside, we leave the kitchen window open so that we can hear what is going on. When I heard the screaming, I knew it was coming from Mateo. When I got outside, I noticed it was my son, and his two friends standing next to an adult who saw what happened, I paid her no mind. I’m really big on getting the story from the boys first, before I listen to a complete stranger, and he said, “I accidently punched him in the face!” At that point, I knew I had to dig in to find out what really went on.

First, I checked the other boy to see if he was ok, and then my son and I walked him home (Mateo was bawling the whole way). When we met up with his mom, I apologized to her, and told her my son punched her boy while they were on the back of the truck. Our families are pretty close so she didn’t mind much, but I did demand that my son apologize to her boy immediately – this made his crying worse. After some stern motivating, my son finally apologized. The two boys shook each other’s hands, and went on with their days (at least the other boy did).

When we got home, I demanded an explanation from my son. Though we teach the two boys how to fight, we don’t support unnecessary violence. What he told me next, made me take a good long step back, and gave me a new respect for my six year old son.

“Daddy, he was cursing at my friend, and I told him to stop! He didn’t stop, so I punched him in the face”

The entire time he was explaining this to me, he was crying his little eyes out – all I could do was smile.

Family Values

One of the things that I am big about is teaching my kids the family code, a set of values if you will. When you ask our boys “What do the Rodas’ do?” they respond, “Get strong, and smart, so that they can help people”. I remember teaching this to my oldest son back in Germany when he was about five years old. Now, since my youngest son has been hearing it his whole life, he actually put the family code into effect! So, when my son told me why he did what he did, I told him that I was proud of him. Initially he was confused, and gave me this crazy look as if he wasn’t hearing what he thought he just heard, but I repeated myself, “I’m proud of you, Mateo”. It was amazing to me how something that I thought I was having them repeat in vein, actually wired them to act bravely in a situation where most would just keep to themselves. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to someone who is doing wrong by others. The fact that my six year old son has it in him to not let these bad deeds go unpunished, shows me that he will one day grow up to be a great man.

Building the Up-stander

My wife and I are firm believers of keeping the knife sharp. The both of us constantly pursue higher levels of fitness, we keep our children active in various sports, and we have even had the boys training in MMA/Jiu-Jitsu for a little over a year. Before the boys are allowed to play video games, they owe me 3-5 minutes of some form of physical activity. This used to consist of push-ups, sit-ups, and squat jumps; however, recently we began sparring with the focus mitts (this develops punching/kicking speed, power, and develops hand/eye coordination).

(Some pics of the boys getting sharp)

The physical portion, however, is a small part in developing an up-stander. What has worked in our favor is the example my wife and I have set for the boys. There have been countless times where I have had to pull my vehicle over, and make on-the-spot corrections to Soldiers doing the wrong thing while in or out of uniform. When my boys would ask why I yelled at them, I tell them that they were doing the wrong thing, AND THAT IS NOT OK!

There was even one evening when we were leaving the mall, I couldn’t help but notice a car that had its rear window fogged up. When I looked inside, I saw a large male leaning over this young girl, pointing his finger at her, and yelling at the top of his lungs. Almost immediately my wife noticed my posture change, and she knew I was about to act. I gave my wife the keys, and told her to start the truck. As I approached the vehicle, I could tell that the girl had been crying, and that the man yelling at her was either drunk or high. I banged on the trunk of the car to get the man’s attention, he seemed shocked. I motioned for him to step out of the vehicle so that I could talk to him – he simply nodded, uh-uh. Frustrated, I called him out of the vehicle loud enough so he could hear me – once again, uh-uh. I went up to the girls window, and asked if she was ok, she put on this fake smile and said “yes”. This was as far as I was going to invest myself since I had clearly destroyed that mans power base, and any sense of pride he may have had beforehand. So, I notified security of the situation, and let them handle the rest. The conversation that followed was one that came to mind when Mateo told me what he did.

The boys seemed confused as to why I wanted that man to step out of his car. So, I told them, “If that man wants to hit and yell at that girl in the back of that car, he’d have to get hit and yelled at by me first”. Noticing that I had confused them a little bit, I reminded them “Boys, what do the Rodas’ do?” and we went over the code again, “Get strong, and smart, so we can help people”. I had to explain to them that I wouldn’t be teaching them these things if I was not ready to put it into practice myself – whether that girl deserved what she was getting or not, I wasn’t about to let my boys witness me not doing anything about it, or at least notify the proper authorities. They need to know that there are ways to help!

What is an Up-stander?

I actually learned this term from my oldest son recently. An Up-stander is someone who stands up for someone when they get bullied. They are the ones who give power back to individuals who may feel like they have none, and give a sense of hope to those have lost all of it. I’m proud to say that my boys are up-standers, and will continue to set that example for them.

So, what are you? Are you a bystander, or are you an up-stander? I’m not saying you have to go banging on peoples trunks, but if I were to just have pulled up behind them and honked my horn a couple of times, maybe that would be enough to tell that man hey, we’re watching you, stop being a PUNK! Mateo could have also walked away from the situation, but since his friend was getting messed with, his passion got the best of him, and he stood up – which is exactly what he was taught to do.

Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better.

This is what we're all about.

Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family

Note: all three boys involved are fine, and are still friends today

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Guidelines on Character, and tips to help teach Character.

Guidelines on Character, and tips to help teach Character

What is Character?

Character is the essence of a person, their inner truth, what they they actually are. A person's character is based on their mental and moral qualities - who they are behind closed doors. A person can be successful in many areas in their life but without sound character, much like a home which has a cracked foundation, you will eventually crumble from the stresses of everyday life.

Character is not something that happens, it is something which is developed over a lifetime. To develop this in ourselves and our families, we have to take an honest look at what motivates us. Is it our values and beliefs or is it our desire to live up to a certain reputation? On that note, lets talk about the difference of character, and reputation. Abraham Lincoln gives a fitting example for this, "Character is like a tree, and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing". We should make sure that what we truly value in life, our core beliefs, are what guide us in our decision making process and not reputation - reputation is merely a product of our character.

"Reputation is what men say about you on your tombstone;

character is what the angels say about you before the throne of God." - William Hersey Davis

Here are some helpful guidelines on character that I have recently read about and had a brief discussion about with my sons. Now, I can confidently say that I am a man of moral character; however, it is important to me that I continue to approach life with an open mind and to continue to improve myself as well as my family.

Have integrity

Things like common decency are not as common as we'd like them to be. The lack of integrity in today's world is a crutch that we must remove. But what is integrity? Integrity is being honest to others, being honest to and about yourself, both inside, and outside.

Teaching integrity to our kids is best done by setting the example. However, there will come a time where you must sit your kids down, and have a long discussion on the subject. Author John C. Maxwell provides us with good questions to help measure your integrity. Ask yourself (or your kids):

1. How well do I treat people from whom I can gain nothing?

2. Do I role-play based on the person(s) I am with?

3. Do I quickly admit wrongdoing without being pressed to do so?

4. When I have something to say about people, do I talk to them or about them?

Using these questions could help you guide your discussion with your child. Recently, I had an evaluation of my own integrity. These questions brought to light several things which I would like to work on, and which I would like to share with my children.

Be accountable for your actions (character)

It is important that we understand that your actions, your integrity, and your character should not be guided by your circumstances. No matter what walk of life we come from, we have the freedom to make the decision whether we want to do right by others, or do wrong by others.

"Your circumstances are responsible for your character as a mirror is for your looks". -John C Maxwell

Pay your dues by helping others

Sir Wilfred T. Grenfell said it best, "The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for room on this earth." The bottom line is this: if we are not ready to render service to others, why should anyone (life itself) render service to us. The more positive effort we put forth in our life, the more likely we will experience positive outcomes.

**Do what you should before you do what you want!**

Part of being a person with sound character is having a good work ethic. Often times, we get caught up in the daily grind we call life. You'll find that if you put first things first, you will achieve success in life. Zig Ziglar had a good outlook on this topic, "When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them."

In our earlier posts, we discussed how to improve focus, and minimize distractions so we can improve our quality of life. Part of this is making sure that we prioritize our lives, and make sure we take care of the needs first, so that we can fully enjoy our wants!

We hope that this information has been insightful. If you would like more posts like this, leave us a comment! We'd be happy to share anything that we can with you!

Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better.

This is what we're all about.

Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family

Some material from this post can also be found in the book: Becoming a Person of Influence by John C. Maxwell & Jim Dornan. Maxwell Motivation Inc., California (1997). .

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Breakfast is for Champions!

A good man by the name of Chris Moore recently taught me a good life lesson... Slow down, and enjoy your morning coffee.

This is something that I have always done on my way to work, but recently I have been given a unique opportunity. For the past two weeks I have been attending a fitness course provided by the Army, which has left my mornings free up until 0800. So, one thing that I take great enjoyment in is actually cooking a meal for my kids.

I remember growing up, I'd have a nutter butter chocolate wafer bar, and a cup of coffee for breakfast (this was back in the fifth grade!). About half way through the day, I'd be falling asleep during class, and would have very little energy or desire to do anything afterward. Looking back, I was clearly not getting the right food in my body.

My two boys are far more active than I was as a kid. After school, they have run club, followed by a short break, and then it's off to MMA/Jiu Jitsu. By the time they get home, they have burned a ridiculous amount of calories.

So, if I'm going to preach to them about training hard, doing their best, and living like a champion, I have to feed them like one.

Not only does this get them all of the nutrients they need to energize their bodies during the day, but it serves sort of a rejuvenating purpose for me as well.

It brings me great pride to provide for my family, but to feed them does just a little more for me. And, the whole time, I'm sipping on that nice cup o' joe, straight Barbell Buddah style (check out his awesome Podcast ).

Try it for yourself!

So, if you get the chance during the week, or if you have to wait until the weekend, take the time and cook for your kids. Take the opportunity to show them how to provide for their future families, and to catch up on what's going on in both of your busy lives!

If mom is the primary one doing the AM cooking, GIVE HER A BREAK! You'll be surprised at how pleasant this, and the residual effect can be...#happywifehappylife #thewarriorfamily

To be a beast, you eat like a beast!

Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better.

This is what we're all about.

Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family

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If you like what you read, add us on Google+, share us on Facebook, and like us on twitter @thewarriorfam.

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Be your kids HERO, one memory at at time!

The other day, my son Caleb expressed to my wife his frustration with the kids at his school. When she asked what the issue was, he said, "No one at school likes the sports that I do!"

My wife then asked what those sports were, he responded "Soccer, and Crossfit". Amused by this, my wife took the opportunity to ask Caleb to name his favorite athletes...this is what struck home with me.

Caleb responded, "Jason Khalipa, Rich Froning, Kendrick J. Farris, and Daddy"

Now, I'm in no way a world famous athlete, or even an elite level Crossfitter, but I know, in the eyes of my two boys, that I'm a hero.

Today, we took the boys out to walk the Freedom Fitness Trail here at Fort Benning. While there, we talked about life, had a pull-up / toes-to-bar competition, and even went topless (yes, it was that kind of party!). This simple family event was not only free, but I was exactly what the boys needed in their life at the time.

I had recently finished my workout at the gym here on post, drove out to the trail, and ran to catch up with my wife, dog, and two boys. The both of them were waiting to start our competition.

The trail is about two miles long, and had a series of stations that had predetermined exercises which you could do to measure your fitness level. Of course, we all tried the "Champion" exercises which were more difficult than the others. As we'd walk from one station to the other, we would catch up on what's going on in school, hear about the millions of things you could do on Mine Craft, and talk about the good, bad, and ugly of what happened this past week. But when it was time to "get-it-in", we would! Pull-ups, uphill sprints, L-sits, and dips were no match for us! Mateo was pulling security the whole time with his "swords", while Caleb and I had to go topless to deal with the heat (according to Caleb, our guns are fully loaded).

So, how is it that I made it to the Hero list? One memory at a time.

Growing up, the memories that I had involving my parents usually involved them being at work, or my brother and I going to work with them to lend a helping hand. Though this was necessary, it didn't really present an example of the type of life I wanted when I got older. Knowing this, my wife and I try to give our kids as many memories as possible. These experiences that we share together are what they will tell their kids about, and will serve as a model for them when it comes to having families of their own.

It's easy for us to say that we're tied up at work, and that our days have gotten the best of us. But think towards the future, and what stories your kids will tell about you. Are you the type of person that puts your children second in life? Did you head straight for the couch, crack open a cold one, and watch t.v.?

Forget that! Not us. We're better than that, and so are you.

When you ask kids who their heroes are, they may tell you its some basketball star, some fictional character in a book, or one of those cool action heroes like Iron Man - but, what about you?

Be proactive in writing your story. Make yourself the person that your kids will remember most in life. Get yourself on that list!

Take your kids to the park, have a wrestling match with them, share one of your childhood memories with them, anything. Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better.

This is what we're all about.

Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family

If you like what you read, add us on Google+, share us on Facebook, and like us on twitter @thewarriorfam.

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Constructive vs. Empty Praise

“Good job, Son!” … Sounds good, right?

Communicating with my two boys has been a hard lesson for me to learn. Thankfully, I have been put in situations where I have been taught to communicate in a way which will promote a desired end state.

What does all of that mean?

I learned that what I was giving my boys is known as Empty Praise. Essentially, the simple “good job” is not actually reinforcing the act that achieved the results. Often times, the pat on the back, or the “good job”, are used as a quick way to acknowledge our kids, and go on with our busy day.

This is not doing anything for your kids!

Bottom line, telling your kids “good job” often times just isn’t enough.

Ideally, what you want to do is praise the act or process that achieved the results. Sure, starting with “good job” is appropriate to acknowledge the accomplishment, but what follows is most important. Let us use the example of my son scoring 100% on a spelling test.

An example of Empty Praise would be:

“Good Job, Son”…and I continue doing whatever it was before he decided to share his accomplishment with me.

An example of Constructive Praise would be:

“Good Job, Son. All of that time that YOU spent studying, and writing out those sentences really paid off!”

The conversation could continue, but if it didn’t because of other obligations, this would be a more effective way of praising your child’s behavior.

The main difference between the two is that first, I acknowledge him by saying “good job”, but then I proceed to point out what processes led him to his successful grade. So, not only will he be happy that I am proud of him, but he will most likely repeat this behavior since he was made aware of what led him to the good grade the first place.

Our children want our attention, and they want to be acknowledged for their accomplishments in life, no matter how small. Utilizing constructive praise makes it more likely that your children will be willing to share their accomplishments with you, making your relationship stronger, and reinforcing constructive behaviors for your children to use in the future.

Until next time, friends!

Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better. This is what we're all about.

Fight on friends! - The Warrior Family

If you like what you read, add us on Google+, share us on Facebook, like us on twitter @thewarriorfam, and leave a comment.

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